Now that reality is setting in that all 3 of my kiddos will be in school full-time starting next Wednesday and I will be sitting here in a quiet, empty house all day, I have been thinking about the future. What does the life of a stay-at-home-mom that has no kids at home look like? I will no longer be needed during the day except on those days when someone is sick and home from school, or during school vacations and holidays. It makes me sad. But a part of me is hopeful. You see, during the past 11 years of being a SAHM (with the exception of about 2.5 yrs of working part time), I've lost myself. No longer was I Jen...I was mom. And with the title of Mom comes a lot of responsibilities. A LOT. I lost myself in the midst of changing diapers, wiping running noses, breaking up fights, saying No, and dishing out snacks. My husband recently asked me what I enjoy doing. And I really couldn't think of anything. Where is the fun, bubbly Jen who loved to draw and dream? The Jen who had some self-worth and self-confidence?
It's time to find her again.
So I applied for a job. A full-time job. And today I had an interview. A 2 hour interview. With an actual test to take too! I learned some things about myself today. I learned that I need to believe in myself again and recognize that I DO have skills and abilities and gifting. I was so NOT confident after taking that test and, after telling my interviewer that, she said, "Well, you need to be confident. Let's grade it right now and see how you did." I think I only missed 2 questions, which gave me an 89%. We were both surprised! I walked into that interview nervous and anxious and feeling totally under-qualified. And I left there with a bit of spring in my step. Not because the interview went well (which I think it did), but that I did it! I went in there and showed the true Jen and it went well!
I can't say whether I will accept the job if it's offered to me, however I feel as if I have some self-worth again. I realize that it's OK for me to say that I am organized, or friendly, or self-motivated without having to feel guilty about it....like I'm boasting or proud. And it's OK for me to pick and choose what I will and won't do according to how it will affect my family and I. Freedom is a powerful thing. Hear me roar! lol