Friday, December 11, 2009

Skinny On The Inside

Well, week 2 is almost up and I want to give up. Not because I no longer want to lose weight or be healthy. Just becuase it is WORK! It is work trying to fit in a workout each day, work trying to make that workout intense enough, work trying prepare meals that are healthy, work analyzing every single morsel that goes into my mouth. It is so much easier to just eat whatever I want and not have to worry about getting in a workout! Now, don't worry. I am NOT giving up. I'm just saying that I want to! And quite honestly, I'm thinking this is about the point when I normally do give up. This is where I feel as if I've been working my tail of but see no results. This is where I become impatient. I don't see results (besides my measly little 1.4 lbs on the scale) and the perfectionist in me wants to think, "I'll never see results, so why try?" My all -or-nothing approach to weight loss as been my demise. I have really had to change my mindset these past 12 days and become quite flexible. I may not always be able to work out when I want to each day, or eat want I want to, but my flexibility has helped me to be successful in reaching my goal of working out at least 5 days each week. I am wiping my Excuse Book clean and that is helping me to remain consistent!

Today I pulled out a few pairs of pants that I know are too small, but I wanted a tangible way to chart my progress. All three pants were tight. My plan is to get these pants out each month and try them on again to see if they are looser or fit better. One of these days I know I'll be able to wear them with pride! I am finding that I feel skinny on the inside. My mind thinks I'm skinnier than my body actually is. And that is where alot of my conflicting feelings about this weight loss journey starts. I need to have a realistic assessment of what my body looks like in order to chart my progress realistically. I can't keep constantly looking for clues that I'm losing weight only to be let down because it's too soon. I need to train myself to not look for progress for at least another 4 weeks. If I keep looking for progress and don't find it, then I'm more likely to lose hope and give up. So I will wait until January 11th to begin to look for progress! I will still weigh in weekly, but I will not look for changes in my body until the 11th!

I have to admit that I am a bit worried about the upcoming holiday season. I love sweets and Christmas time is when all those yummy sweets cross paths with me...and I indulge. I do not want these goodies to undo all of my hard work! I need to take my time when filling my plate at each of the holiday meals (with 2 sets of divorced parents, there are lots of meals during Christmas!). I need to assess what is available and then make intelligent decisions as to what I can eat that will line up with my goals of losing weight. But so many times, there is no thought process at meals. I fill up my plate with everything I want and I eat it. Then afterwards, I reflect on what I've eaten and I am appalled at my lack of self-deiscipline. I want to reverse that process for good!

1 comment:

Kim said...

I look forward to reading your posts on your progress and your challenges. Each one of them inspires me! I pray that you have the strength you need through the holidays - you are inspiring. Don't give up.