Thursday, December 29, 2011

I'm Scared and I'm Not Going To Lie!

Last night hubby and I were chatting.  Not sure what exactly spurred on our conversation, but we eventually ended up chatting about my workouts at the gym.  Which lead me to tell hubby (apparantly I had never told him about my "official" weight loss goal) that I wanted to reach my goal weight by June 1st.  He was surprised and pleased by my confidence in setting such a goal.  

Which leads me to my confession:  I'M SCARED.  I'm afraid that I'm not going to make it.  I'm afraid that I will have to make ANOTHER resolution to lose the weight.  See, this has been the trend for pretty much my adult life after having kids.  I set a goal, don't meet it, and try again....and fail....again...and again.  So when I heard myself telling hubby OUT LOUD about my goal, I literally had a moment of panic hit me.  June 1st?  It's almost January!  Which gives me only 6 months to do this!  I'm started to feel like I bit off more than I can chew with this goal (isn't that how I got into this mess in the first place?).  I know it's physically possible to lose the weight in the given time...I'm just not sure I have it in me, you know? 
I am doubting my capabilities.  

Today I decided to look at the 2012 calendar and figure out just how many weeks I have left to reach my goal.  Not counting the rest of this week, I have 22 weeks.  So my next question is: What is my goal weight?  I have struggled with this question for some time.  Mainly because I haven't been thin since before having kids...which was 1999.  I think I weighed 155 when I got married that year.  Soon after came the babies and here I am at 176.  It's hard to set an exact number because I think I will know it when I reach it.  I just want to look in the mirror and like what I see in my figure, muscle tone, etc...but I'm not sure what number that is on the scale.  I don't want to set a goal weight that is too low yet, I don't want to NOT have a goal weight in mind either.  So for right now I'm picking 150 lbs as my goal weight.  That is 26 lbs that I need to lose in 22 weeks.  (Deep breath in, deep breath out.)  I instantly read that and want to panic because I haven't been very successful in losing more than a pound a week and I will need to in order to reach 150 in that time frame.  While looking at the calendar, I realized that June 1st is on a Friday and since I always weigh in on Mondays, I will make my goal date end on June 4th instead.   

I know deep down inside that I CAN do this.  I have had three kids via c-section, been in a deteriorating marriage and have seen it revived again, and I have ran a half marathon...I AM STRONG.  I just need to strive to look as strong on the outside as I feel on the inside!

On the plus side, I have started working out 3 days a week at the gym, and I already think I can see/feel some changes in my body shape.  And I'm doing more ab work and weight lifting than I ever have, so I really think that will help me see results at a quicker rate.  Also those classes are 1 hr 15 mins long (sometimes 1 hr 30 mins!) and I'm working my body harder than I would if I were to just run as my workouts.  So that has got to help too.  Normally when Jenny and I run, we do about 30-45 mins of running, so I am almost doubling the time that I am exercising (and working harder!) on those three days.  For example, when I logged my workout on, it calculated that I had burned 279 for the half hour I was spinning, and 842 calories for the time I was kickboxing!  That's a total of 1121 calories burned today!  I would have probably only burned 730 calories on a 45 mins run.  That is a difference of 1173 calories over 3 days!  And since it takes 3500 calories to burn off a pound of fat, I could accomplish that in 3 weeks by just going to class instead of running on those 3 days each week!

So I started this post nervous and anxious and already feeling like a failure, but I'm ending this post feeling optimistic and inspired!   

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