I'm sorry to report that my brain and heart are overflowing with thoughts right now. Thoughts I'd love to write about and share with you! I apologize because when I feel this way, I ramble. So that is what I imagine this post to be...a LONG RAMBLE. With that said, if you're not up to following my thought process right now, then feel free to log out and join in on the next post! I also should add that my hubby will be
ecstatic ECSTATIC that he won't have to be the recipient of my randomness tonight! Sometimes when I'm in moods like this I see him look at me in utter disbelief...or maybe he's in awe of how insane complex my mind is! Anyhoo...here are some of my thoughts...
- Did you know that you can mess up your hip from running on uneven pavement? I will share this thought first since it's fresh on my mind...and hip. I have noticed the past 1-2 weeks that my right hip is really sore after running. Not immediately after running, but maybe a few hours, but definately by the next day. Not a muscle soreness, but sort of a pain that runs deep into my hip. This has been bothering both physically and mentally and I kept ignoring it thinking it would go away. Well, it has gotten worse. Bad enough that the past couple of days has been pretty uncomfortable and I've found myself not really wanting to walk around much. So today I called the chiro. Upon explaining the pain and the fact that I'm training for a half marathon to him, he asked if the pavement I was running on was flat. I answered no. Did you know that our state routes (and most other paved roads) are sloped from the middle to each side of the road? You incredibly intelligent readers probably already knew that but I never did until I started running on them. Don't get me wrong, it makes total sense to slope the roads...but it's wrecking havoc on my right hip. Ok, I guess it's not my hip, but actually my sacrum...the lowest part of my spine that is close to my pelvis. (Don't I sound so smart???) So anyways...the doc adjusted me in several places (when your sacrum is out your neck is too..another thing I learned today!), and sent me home with a chilled ice pack to put on my
hipsacrum. It doesn't appear to be unmanageable or life-threatening, but I'm not allowed to run on sloped roads for at least this week and I have to utilize my lovely ice pack whenever I'm in pain. Hopefully I'll be back to running pain-free soon! So there you go...don't you feel enlightened? I told you I would ramble.
- The second thing that I want to ramble about was the sermon that Alan Root gave last weekend at my church. It was nothing short of amazing to me. Besides the fact that we got to act like kids again and sing his fun songs geared towards children, but his sermon really touched me. The whole sermon centered around the idea of restraint. I won't go into all of the details of the sermon, but he said something that really has had me thinking. The passage he read was Matthew 11:28-30: Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." I have heard this passage many many times, but I see it in a whole new light now. Alan painted such a beautiful picture in my mind of what Jesus was saying and it will stick with me forever. I have always just taken this passage to mean handing my burdens over to God and letting him carry them. And in essence that is what it is about, but Alan taught me a deeper understanding of it. A yoke is a tool used to hook two oxen together so they can plow fields, etc. He told us to imagine ourselved yoked to Jesus. allowing Him to carry most of the load. Allowing Him to lead us and guide us and teach us. He said to picture Jesus as a strong Brahma bull and us as a weakling. God wants to helps us through this life He's called us to live. He wants us to attach ourselves to Him and for us to learn from Him. I guess it got me thinking about my own personal yoke with Jesus. Am I carrying most of the weight? Am I the weakling trudging through life trying to pull way more than I can physically handle because I have too much pride to admit I can't do it alone? Am I allowing my partner Jesus to carry ANY of the load? Do I ever unhook myself from the yoke, walk away, and make Jesus do all the work Himself? Do I ever make Jesus wish He had a different partner to be yoked to? A more willing partner? A not-so-stubborn partner? This illustration has really humbled me and forced me to take a look at my spiritual life. I admit that there have been MANY times I've allowed Jesus to do all the work himself...or even find someone else to do MY work. I haven't yoked up with Jesus long enough for Him to teach me and to really truly learn from Him. Honestly, I'm saddened by my lack of faithfulness at times. I can't tell you how this has touched my life...and I pray it touches yours too.
- On a more fun note, my husband informed me that I am now confident. Me: "What?" Hubby: "You're different. It's like you have more confidence." And I started thinking about it, and yes, I do. Can't really explain how or why or when this all started, but my best guess is that is started when I went on my Emmaus Walk this past April. At one point during the Walk, we were asked to lay our burden. the thing that hinders us the most, at the foot of the cross and not pick it back up again. EVER. When I examined my life and the hindrances I have, the one thing that came to mind was my lack of self-confidence. And as I thought more in-depth about it, that was my ONLY hindrance. I don't say that to brag that I only have one...it's more like that ONE hindrance is so HUGE that it encompasses ALL of my life. It affects me as a friend. It affects my marriage. It affects how I am as a mother. It affects how I act as a child of God and how I handle the calling He has placed on my life. I am reading a really good book entitled, Made To Crave by Lysa Terkeurst and I read something yesterday that really summed up how I used to feel and act on those feelings. Lysa writes: Like many women, I'd struggled with a flowed perceptions of myself. My sense of identity and worth were dependent on the wrong things - my circumstances or my weight or whether I yelled at the kids that day or what other people thought of me. If I sensed I wasn't measuring up, I kicked into either withdrawal mode or fix-it mode. WIthdrawal mode made me pull back from relationships, feearing others' judgments. I built walls around my heart to keep people at a distance. Fitx-it mode made me overanalyze other people's every word and expression looking for ways to manipulate their opinions to be more pleasing toward me. Take, for example, the crazy question I asked my husband every time I felt insecure while getting ready in teh morning: "Does this make me look fat?" This question had nothign to do with my outfit. It was an attempt to get him to say something, anythign to make me feel better about myself. I could manipulate a compliment, but in the end, I still felt so empty. This is how I lived pretty much all of my adult life...feeling awful about myself and constantly looking for compliments or any hint that I was accepted by others....even from my husband! At some point...and I think that point occurred at Emmaus, I laid it down. I've tried to pick my insecurities up a few times since then, but now I see myself in a completely different light. I have adopted an I-Don't-Care-What-People-Think sort of attitude, but in a good way! I have come to realize that people will judge me whether I'm skinny, fat, beautiful, or not-so-beautiful. Whether I stay at home with my kids, or whether I have a career. How I parent, or don't parent my children. People WILL judge me no matter what...but I am not going to let it bother me or affect me. I am who God made me. Period. I am not perfect, but each day I am striving to listen to God and to become like Him. I used to look in the mirror at myself and feel completely disgusted at what I saw. Now I can look in the mirror and see a woman who changing from the inside out...who is actually...pretty. I am starting to have a runner's body (which I LOVE and have waited SOOOOOOO very long for!) and I am content with who I am. In fact I have embraced who I am wholeheartedly. I am no longer my own worst enemy...Me, Myself, and I are now the best of friends! lol And apparantly hubby has noticed it and finds me all the more attractive because of it!
Well, I think my rambling has come to an end. I'm speechless...literally....I can't think of anything else to write. And that doesn't happen very often! So I guess now would be a great time to put this post to an end. Until next time my friends!! :)